Well my daily writing has not been all I wanted it to be. I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and didn’t take much time away from him to write. Something I really need to do! I guess that’s part of being in love.
I was thinking about love today. I have several friends who are married, a few divorced and others just dating. Each of us is or has been in love. Myself I’m in the beginning stages of love. When I think about it, it seems so scary. When I just let things be, I couldn’t be happier. I wonder how many people understand this. Do others get scared of being in love? My heart wants to jump out of my chest when I think of my boyfriend. I get butterflies and am so giddy. I smile all the time and it’s hard to have a bad day when I think about him. Unless I'm thinking about how much I actually love him. I hold back at times because I'm afraid of falling to hard. I guess that is ultimately because I’m afraid of getting my heart broke. I can’t read his mind and don’t know if he loves me the same. I don’t know that he won’t walk away and stop loving me. I caught myself thinking today that I didn’t want to be in love. I was so scared of getting hurt, a broken heart, that I didn’t want the good stuff.
I thought, “Brandie, you’re an idiot!” What, I don’t want to be in love? That is what we wait our lives for. All girls want the butterflies, the constant smile on our face. We all want that person that warms out heart and clouds our mind. I have that and now I don’t want it because one day it may go away. Ha, no away! I decided in that moment, No way! I’m not going to let my fear (false evidence appearing real) stop me from all I have dreamed of. I concluded that no matter what happens in the future, of which I cannot predict, I will love. I will give all my heart and love! A thousand broken hearts are worth how I feel today. I can’t let my fear hold me back. I love him, that simple!
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