I’m one of those women; independent, strong-willed and stubborn. I’ve had to be to get where I am today. I’ve been controlling and alpha type personality in most my relationships; with men as well as my girlfriends. While dating a guy (a couple months ago) who had a hard time handling this part of my personality; I thought, “I don’t need or want to be this way anymore”. He made a comment, “It’s who you are, and who you will always be.” In my stubbornness I tried to argue, “No it’s not. If I don’t want to be that way then I’ll change it.” The problem is I want to change for the wrong reasons, him. Not that part of the change wouldn’t be for me, it was, but most of it was for him.
So, I started, I let go a little more and I bit my tongue more often (most of the time actually). I also gave in to behaviors of his and others I shouldn’t have. I stopped speaking up and took the hurt in. All I had worked so hard to be was slowly going away. I woke up one day and didn’t feel myself anymore. I had to step back and evaluate.
I realized is, I didn’t have to be so forceful or controlling, but I was created a stubborn, strong-willed women, so I can’t hide or change that. When the right man comes into my life he will be able to accept and appreciate these characteristics. Either that or all those behaviors will dissipate without any thought or effort.
I have had to be this way to survive and take care of myself. When the right man comes along who I fully trust and know is going to take care of me I won’t need to be in control anymore. My strong will can then be used in other areas of my life, not in my relationships.
My lesson was: Don’t change who you are for anyone on this earth. There is someone out there who will love you for all those things others may see as faults.
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