Well my daily writing has not been all I wanted it to be. I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and didn’t take much time away from him to write. Something I really need to do! I guess that’s part of being in love.
I was thinking about love today. I have several friends who are married, a few divorced and others just dating. Each of us is or has been in love. Myself I’m in the beginning stages of love. When I think about it, it seems so scary. When I just let things be, I couldn’t be happier. I wonder how many people understand this. Do others get scared of being in love? My heart wants to jump out of my chest when I think of my boyfriend. I get butterflies and am so giddy. I smile all the time and it’s hard to have a bad day when I think about him. Unless I'm thinking about how much I actually love him. I hold back at times because I'm afraid of falling to hard. I guess that is ultimately because I’m afraid of getting my heart broke. I can’t read his mind and don’t know if he loves me the same. I don’t know that he won’t walk away and stop loving me. I caught myself thinking today that I didn’t want to be in love. I was so scared of getting hurt, a broken heart, that I didn’t want the good stuff.
I thought, “Brandie, you’re an idiot!” What, I don’t want to be in love? That is what we wait our lives for. All girls want the butterflies, the constant smile on our face. We all want that person that warms out heart and clouds our mind. I have that and now I don’t want it because one day it may go away. Ha, no away! I decided in that moment, No way! I’m not going to let my fear (false evidence appearing real) stop me from all I have dreamed of. I concluded that no matter what happens in the future, of which I cannot predict, I will love. I will give all my heart and love! A thousand broken hearts are worth how I feel today. I can’t let my fear hold me back. I love him, that simple!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day two of writing… I almost forgot about my commitment to write. I was hanging out with my friend Stephanie and was going to watch some TV until I remember I need to write. So here I am.
I made some decisions about school today. I decided, all on my own, to take Western Civ, Interpersonal Communications and Intro to Computers(online). Normally I would ask advice from all my friends and family. Make sure I was making the right decision. Today I went with my gut and registered. Now I just have to commit. Make it happen. I want an A in each class. It’s going to take a lot to get that. I have to work hard.
But working hard it nothing new to me. I can be lazy so I keep busy. I have always done what needed to get done! I understand the importance of hard work. Not that I was raised to know this. I guess I learned from example. Or should I say lack of example. My parents didn’t work much. I grew up on welfare, neither parent carried a real “legal” job for more then a few months. I didn’t want to be like them so I work hard. Sometimes to hard. But I know I’ll be able to reach my goals and accomplish my dreams. That is what matters to me. To have dreams and be able to achieve them!
I made some decisions about school today. I decided, all on my own, to take Western Civ, Interpersonal Communications and Intro to Computers(online). Normally I would ask advice from all my friends and family. Make sure I was making the right decision. Today I went with my gut and registered. Now I just have to commit. Make it happen. I want an A in each class. It’s going to take a lot to get that. I have to work hard.
But working hard it nothing new to me. I can be lazy so I keep busy. I have always done what needed to get done! I understand the importance of hard work. Not that I was raised to know this. I guess I learned from example. Or should I say lack of example. My parents didn’t work much. I grew up on welfare, neither parent carried a real “legal” job for more then a few months. I didn’t want to be like them so I work hard. Sometimes to hard. But I know I’ll be able to reach my goals and accomplish my dreams. That is what matters to me. To have dreams and be able to achieve them!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Let's Start
I decided I’m going to write everyday. 10 min, 30 min, and hour it doesn’t matter as long as I’m writing. I love to write and I want to be a writer, so I need to write. I’m not going to pick a specific topic or anything just write. I will jot down what ever comes to mind. I am actually interested in seeing where my fingers take me. I can only imagine the silly things my mind will share with the paper. I am not going to hold anything back. I don’t care if it makes sense or not. It is my writings. I really don’t even care if the grammar is correct at this point. I need to form the habit of writing, and then the rest will follow.
So here we go...
I decided to look at my class schedule today. I was going to take Western Civ and Spanish. I still may. However, I would like to take Western Civ and Interpersonal Communications. That's what interests me. I am also debating on a third online class. I did online learning for 2 years so I know how it works, and I actually enjoyed. I really want to take Creative Writing online. This would fall into my goal of writing. However, if I'm being logical I should take computers. I need it to finish out my associates degree. Creative Writing would have no real impact on my degree. Although in the end, I want to be a writer so it would help my overall goal and dream in life. Hmmmm, what to do what to do??? I guess first I need to see if my manager will let me leave early twice a week so that I can alter my schedule to the latter.
I am actually excited for school to start. Yes, I’m a nerd. I enjoy the learning and the challenge. I also like the fact it takes up a lot of my time. I am at my best when I’m busy. Funny how it works, the more you do the more you get done!
So here we go...
I decided to look at my class schedule today. I was going to take Western Civ and Spanish. I still may. However, I would like to take Western Civ and Interpersonal Communications. That's what interests me. I am also debating on a third online class. I did online learning for 2 years so I know how it works, and I actually enjoyed. I really want to take Creative Writing online. This would fall into my goal of writing. However, if I'm being logical I should take computers. I need it to finish out my associates degree. Creative Writing would have no real impact on my degree. Although in the end, I want to be a writer so it would help my overall goal and dream in life. Hmmmm, what to do what to do??? I guess first I need to see if my manager will let me leave early twice a week so that I can alter my schedule to the latter.
I am actually excited for school to start. Yes, I’m a nerd. I enjoy the learning and the challenge. I also like the fact it takes up a lot of my time. I am at my best when I’m busy. Funny how it works, the more you do the more you get done!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It’s been awhile. I’ve been busy with work, school and a boy; I just haven’t taken the time to blog. I’m not sure what I want to blog about either…
I’ve been debating about deep psychological topics or just life stuff. Which I guess can be deep too, but not all the time. They say blogs are thoughts put out there for others to read. Hummmm, not sure how much I want people in my head. Although, I think at times that might be good. It might help me open up more, share who I am. Not sure where this blog is going to go. Then again do people really plan a theme for their blogs or do they just write???
I think I'll take it one day at a time. I am going to try and write every day or at least a few times a week. I love to write and well at this time just feel the need to. I'm not sure where my fingers will lead, guess you will have to read and find out…
I’ve been debating about deep psychological topics or just life stuff. Which I guess can be deep too, but not all the time. They say blogs are thoughts put out there for others to read. Hummmm, not sure how much I want people in my head. Although, I think at times that might be good. It might help me open up more, share who I am. Not sure where this blog is going to go. Then again do people really plan a theme for their blogs or do they just write???
I think I'll take it one day at a time. I am going to try and write every day or at least a few times a week. I love to write and well at this time just feel the need to. I'm not sure where my fingers will lead, guess you will have to read and find out…
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Normal?
What is normal? Who gets to decide what is normal and what is not; the culture one belongs to or the society one lives in? The problem is we have spent so much time trying to conform to our social and cultural norms we have lost who we really are. We were not created to be like each other. We are all different and these differences should be what make up society.
We also see things differently then others around us. Each person has his or her own reality. Although some things seem the same to the individual they are different. If we would stop trying to be like everyone else and be our self, we would be able to see that each person sees life differently. We were not created with the same eyes. Like fingerprints, we each have a set of eyes that identify us as an individual.
How can we see things in this life the same if we are looking through different eyes?
From a spiritual point of view: God said he created us in his likeness (Genesis 1:27) but did not say he created us all the same. Meaning, we have basic core elements in common but truly, we are different. He designed each of us the way he wanted us –no two people the same. Look back into the scripture at his disciples and others in the bible; they are different. Each person had his or her own unique relationship with Christ as well. If you read the first four books of the bible, you can see this. The stories are the same but the relationships held as well as the views of each happening are different. We are all different and have been from the beginning.
I wish more people could see their individuality and love and respect that in them. This would overflow into loving and respecting others for the same. If we could accept, who we are and who we are not in our self and others, than the world would be a more loving and peaceful place! At least this is how I see things…
We also see things differently then others around us. Each person has his or her own reality. Although some things seem the same to the individual they are different. If we would stop trying to be like everyone else and be our self, we would be able to see that each person sees life differently. We were not created with the same eyes. Like fingerprints, we each have a set of eyes that identify us as an individual.
How can we see things in this life the same if we are looking through different eyes?
From a spiritual point of view: God said he created us in his likeness (Genesis 1:27) but did not say he created us all the same. Meaning, we have basic core elements in common but truly, we are different. He designed each of us the way he wanted us –no two people the same. Look back into the scripture at his disciples and others in the bible; they are different. Each person had his or her own unique relationship with Christ as well. If you read the first four books of the bible, you can see this. The stories are the same but the relationships held as well as the views of each happening are different. We are all different and have been from the beginning.
I wish more people could see their individuality and love and respect that in them. This would overflow into loving and respecting others for the same. If we could accept, who we are and who we are not in our self and others, than the world would be a more loving and peaceful place! At least this is how I see things…
Saturday, September 26, 2009
What does age really matter?
Age is a funny thing. People get so worried about getting older. It’s not like it sneaks up on us; each year we’re reminded we get older. This is why I did not understand the concern people had for me when I turned 30. Most of my friends have already turned 30 and this did not change who they were. I know and love who I am; getting older is not going to change that. I have always looked at getting older as a good thing. The older I get the more I learn. The older I get the closed I am to finding someone special, getting married and starting a family.
That thought is what leads me to write today. When was an age stamp placed on marriage and family? How did we get to believe we should to be married or have kids by a certain age? I’m sure part of it has to do with our grandparents who married young. However, that was normal back then; marring your high school sweetheart as soon as you graduate. Things changed when our parents came along. Many of them waited to marry until they got onto their 20’s. However, not that it really matters, majority of them are divorced now.
Being single and 30 brings about much discussion about marriage and kids. Older people respond by telling me they are sorry. As if I should be ashamed for being so old and single. Middles aged people tell me to stay single that marriage sucks. The younger crowd just ask me why. Why, is a good question. I could be married and have kids by now –if I was willing to settle. I want more then a companion or house mate. I want love! I want to be 90 and still look forward to waking up and spending the day with my husband. I want to experience all aspects of life and growth with the man I marry. So, I do not worry about how old I will be when I meet my Mr. Right and get married. Yes, there is a time limit on birthing children but there is not limit on adopting a child who needs two loving parents. Age should not matter on life events. What matters is that we are doing what is right and being true to our self. We cannot put an age on things that are so close to our being such as love, friendship, or experiences.
That thought is what leads me to write today. When was an age stamp placed on marriage and family? How did we get to believe we should to be married or have kids by a certain age? I’m sure part of it has to do with our grandparents who married young. However, that was normal back then; marring your high school sweetheart as soon as you graduate. Things changed when our parents came along. Many of them waited to marry until they got onto their 20’s. However, not that it really matters, majority of them are divorced now.
Being single and 30 brings about much discussion about marriage and kids. Older people respond by telling me they are sorry. As if I should be ashamed for being so old and single. Middles aged people tell me to stay single that marriage sucks. The younger crowd just ask me why. Why, is a good question. I could be married and have kids by now –if I was willing to settle. I want more then a companion or house mate. I want love! I want to be 90 and still look forward to waking up and spending the day with my husband. I want to experience all aspects of life and growth with the man I marry. So, I do not worry about how old I will be when I meet my Mr. Right and get married. Yes, there is a time limit on birthing children but there is not limit on adopting a child who needs two loving parents. Age should not matter on life events. What matters is that we are doing what is right and being true to our self. We cannot put an age on things that are so close to our being such as love, friendship, or experiences.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The World of Blogging
Well I guess I have just entered the world of blogging. I am not sure how this all works but there is no better way to find out then to jump head first into it. I have always been an all or nothing kind of girl anyway. So I will give this my all!
I decided six years ago I was going to write a book. I started the outline about that time and have worked on it -on and off every since. For some time I doubted my abilities in writing. Now, I KNOW I can write it; I am just not sure where to start. I guess that is where this blog comes into play. I will utilize my freedom of abstract writing here to prepare myself. I am not sure how much of what I share will have to do with my finished product but I have no doubt it will influence it in some way. Who knows, some posts might find its way into the pages of my book. Guess we will all have to wait and see...
I decided six years ago I was going to write a book. I started the outline about that time and have worked on it -on and off every since. For some time I doubted my abilities in writing. Now, I KNOW I can write it; I am just not sure where to start. I guess that is where this blog comes into play. I will utilize my freedom of abstract writing here to prepare myself. I am not sure how much of what I share will have to do with my finished product but I have no doubt it will influence it in some way. Who knows, some posts might find its way into the pages of my book. Guess we will all have to wait and see...
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